And for my latest trick...

I’ve got progressive, severe, MS. I’m sitting on a building site (see here and here). And I’m writing a novel in 30 days (NaNoWriMo)!


P.S. Missing writing my blogs [Blogger, can I have my sidebar pics. back, please!] so I’ll post this on a couple of them and hope to see you soon.

P.P.S. Lucy is fine and good company - not a bad muse!

Hope you’re well.

Blog Action Day '09 - Climate Change

Here’s an irony: I have the beginnings of two novels on Word, both with a main theme of climate change, yet have nothing planned for this, Blog Action Day ’09.

It would be good if I could cite something to do with “global warming” for my distraction, but, unless I repeat myself on MS (multiple sclerosis) and Environmental Illness (see here); or tell you I’m curled up with guilt over my use of fossil fuel electricity (I’ve researched wind turbines like mad and wish I could have one built but, alas, can’t use the roof without upstairs neighbours’ agreement to share [and that’s if we got planning permission] and can’t use the garden, again without planning permission and, realistically, a lot more money than I have) – ‘curled up with guilt’ and/or cold due to it; unless I protest at how my head hurts and MS symptoms are worsening as a result of using mercury-filled light bulbs (only type available now [aside: further weakening of elderly/infirm = more volunteers for euthanasia?]) – plus, their low-wattage (“energy”) is making me colder (cold: stops clear thinking; writing; demands more heating; could cause hypothermia); unless those reasons (all true) are all I give: a) this post will never be done in time, and b) I’ll be writing my novels…

And, therein, lies the crux of the matter: I am personally so worried about pollution and the ruination of our planet that I have become obsessed by studying astronomy and thinking about humanity’s habitation/colonization of another planet to put into these two (one for children) speculative/sci-fi books.

So, ironically and in more ways than one, I have been distracted and kept away from this blog post on climate change, by climate change.

It bothers the living daylights (great pun!) out of me and I want to thank Blogger and all the bloggers, everyone involved in Blog Action Day ’09, for their highlighting of this - most serious of all issues - issue. Let’s hope and pray that our voices (with others’ such as Greenpeace) are heard and our warnings heeded.

P.S. On a smaller note (but giant oaks start with small acorns, right?!): could borough councils work harder at recycling, and every borough council fit solar panels to homes and/or build wind turbines for their community? Just a thought…

Regeneration equals de-generation

The elderly, the infirm, the sick. Babies. People dying, being born – and living their formative years. Those with goals and ambitions, others who live only for the day – and struggle to survive it. Good people. Bad people. In between people – decent. Hardworkers. The unemployed and many with money problems. Struggling mothers, loyal fathers. School children. Those with relationship issues. And some trying – against the chemical odds – to hold it all together.

All these beautiful human beings are made to suffer when the greed and corruption of local government authorities (i.e. councils) decide to “regenerate”, aka “improve”, their housing stock - to sell on at a later date.

And someone like me (i.e. with multiple sclerosis (MS)) acts as a microcosm of the macrocosm, which is all of the local community. Because someone with MS feels every little nerve attack to penetrate the Central Nervous System (CNS) and exhibits, in exacerbated symptoms, the results of that damage, to be witnessed and recorded for all time.

As human rights are violated ( Articles 3 & 8) by the tyranny of beaurocracy, so an MSer will prove through their own being, the inhumanity of this social scheming.

The torture which is the experience of existing (for there’s no life) each day on a building-site. With the cacophony of voices, vibrations and machines.

It is the soundtrack of Hell ('Pandemonium' in Milton’s Paradise Lost) with Mammon as conductor of the orchestra, Beelzebub, principal percussionist. And you can't get it out of your brain...

I cannot believe this is happening [what, not bad enough the progressive MS?] but it is. Apparently. I am to be imprisoned on a X [borough name] council building-site for the second time in eight years (first time 2000-2003 in last home – was moved because of it and for wheelchair access (good that I’m Catholic and can believe in Purgatory and serving my “time” on earth – I hope most of it!)).

But, as I promised in this house when first it was rumoured (i.e. we all had to vote for a new landlord and this one – a Registered Social Landlord (RSL), calling itself ‘Community Housing’ – won [so they tell us – we voted “No”*]). As I said at that time: if this happpens again and I haven’t managed to leave, then this time with a blog, I will record exactly what it’s like, as it happens. So that governments might in future consider all tenants before they do, their rash, brash, money-mad plans.

What else is a housebound journalist going to do?

Oh, watch out, you minions of Mammon!


*We covered the first of this borough’s sell-offs in the local paper I was on and that result was, I believe, a ‘No’ from tenants but the take-over still went ahead. [This is the same council, some may recall, was a “flag-ship” Assembly in England, with its own, self-“elected”, Mayor!].

Yet I realise some tenants fell for the hype and thought this would be a good thing. Perhaps they decided it was the better of two evils [a lot of that in my life at the moment!] the second option being a Private Finance Initiative (PFI), aka private landlord – in order to get repairs/renovation done. Those, presumably, who now serve on the board of the RSL or, at the very least, have become ‘shareholders’ in their ‘community’. It does sound good.

But, what they’re not seeing are the years – they promise five! – of noise, disruption and filthy mess that will engulf their every waking moment.

And what they’re not thinking of are the rent-increases to come (usually, I believe, after the first five years which are in line with inflation. After thirty say, when they become extortionate and out of the range of working-class people.

When some tenants will have been forced to leave their homes which will then be sold on to the private sector.

That’s what those tenants who voted “Yes” didn’t think of (unless they did and wanted to be in on it!). Or the fact that they might be in the first group of people I described later on in their lives.

The ones who really will suffer from all this: the physical, practical work now. And the ones for whom I speak out.

With them in mind, and having experienced already the horrendous degredation of “regeneration” and developed a phobia against it, I offer this solution...

Before any such action in future, local authorities will:

- build new houses/flats;
- make them available to all those who would rather (or must for health reasons) leave their homes while work being done;
- move those tenants to new properties (giving them the option to stay when previous properties completed);
- carry out work;
- when next estate scheduled for “improvements”, make homes on first estate– now meeting [government] “decent housing” standards - available to tenants on this estate wanting/needing to vacate (if not enough space here, then, again, using newly built homes).

So that you have a leap-frog system in place with all those who really can’t tolerate (i.e. me!) anything louder than a spider climbing up a wall, placed somewhere safe, secure, warm, dry (you know, all those prerequisites for rented accommodation, by law) and conducive to human life.

There, problem solved – except it isn’t! – and end of lecture/panic for now...


DISCLAIMER/P.S. Of course, I am not a politician or lawyer and some of my statements might seem confusing. Please click links so you may be clear.

All I know as a disabled tenant is, the enemy’s gathering forces and there’ll be a bombardment soon.

It’s amazing how something like this can help you empathize with others in the world.

Missing: a father

We all remember those stories of husbands and fathers who went out one day to get milk/a newspaper/ “fresh air”, and never returned.

Wives and children (I don’t remember women doing this but they may have done) first not noticing, then realising the minutes, watching the hours and finally, counting the days he is gone.

Sometimes there are police searches, hospitals are scoured, hope still thrives in the home.

But, eventually, there is certainty. He is never coming back. He has deserted them. Perhaps he never loved them at all. And the pain kicks in and lasts for many years, if not (especially for the children) a lifetime. The damage is done.

It has been, exactly like that, for me since Father Francis Mary Stone took a “leave of absence” from EWTN (the Eternal Word Television Network).

Now, everyone knows how in these ‘housebound’ years EWTN, founded by Mother Angelica a Poor Clare nun in 1981, has been my substitute, earthly, family. The fathers (priests), mother (Angelica), brothers (Franciscan Missionaries of the Eternal Word). and sisters (Poor Clare’s of Our Lady of Angels Monastery), all based in their [Alabama, USA] monastery homes, and with me in mine 24/7. I could not have managed without them.

So, with thousands of others, it came as a great shock and huge sadness to learn of Fr. Francis’ departure.

But how I learnt was just the way it was for the family above. I didn’t know for a long time and, in a way, tried not to know – to admit what was staring me in the face: our dear, ubiquitous, brother was no longer visible.

Not celebrating Mass, no longer presenting Life on the Rock - a series primarily for young people but popular with the whole family (even this one – Tom would often watch if I taped it and especially liked Fr. Francis.) - and not there between programmes with his videos from Assisi on the life of his patron saint.

I don’t know how I missed it. I would have watched on November 1st. Maybe I was just late tuning in. But anyway, I did miss the announcement. From poor Fr. Anthony (I’ve forgotten his title but he’s now
“superior” in the friars’ monastery). And that’s when, apparently, he read out Fr Francis’ letter. And everybody (not me then of course) learnt what had happened. His family at EWTN, and his family in the viewing/listening rest of the world.

Fr. Francis Mary had been “helping” a widow and her family and found himself becoming too “involved”. He had requested, and received, time away from EWTN to “discern his vocation”. He was, heart-breakingly, sorry and realised the enormity of the impact this would have.

It was devastating.

I cannot bear to think of dear Mthr. Angelica, in her post-stroke silence, hearing this awful news. She had personally invited this brother, when still a layman, to join the Missionaries of the Eternal Word, soon after she formed the Order in 1987. She would be heartbroken.

So there, one week, was Fr. Mark Mary, alone. Gallantly going on with Life on the Rock. Presenting in his inimitable, introverted way, as well as he could. And succeeding. But we all know – because Fr. Francis often made mention of it – that this particular brother would rather have his head in books (a bit like poor Cardinal Ratzinger when they elected him Pope and he became Benedict XVI, our Holy Father). He has done as requested of him but sometimes we feel his discomfort.

One week grew into two and into three, and I wasn’t sure any more, as at first I had assumed, that Fr. Francis was on retreat. Or on holiday with his family. He couldn’t have been ill or in an accident (like poor Fr. Benedict Groeschel the other year). I wasn’t sure of anything. No one was saying anything. And I began to be cross with myself – with my MS – for not knowing. Because I knew, for certain, someone would have said something once (either that or I’d gone insane and he never existed!). I thought of ringing EWTN.

But by last Sunday I knew I wasn’t the only one who was cross. It was as though Fr. Francis had caused, or was in, trouble. Even the opening and closing film sequence of Frs. Francis, Mark and the other brothers playing basketball and mixing at events like World Youth Day were gone. There was definitely something very amiss.

While Tom did his Christmas hang-over bit in bed, I Googled the name: Father Francis Mary – EWTN. And there it was. In all its horrible glory. The whole story. I felt instantly defeated. Heavily, heavily sad. Black. Fatigued. All the exhaustion I cover with an air of optimism and oft excitement at good thoughts. Gone. A member of the family had deserted us.

“Discerning [his] vocation”?! What the heck did he mean, “discerning [his] vocation”? Didn’t he do that, back then? When he started out and then took the vows of poverty, chastity and obedience? He told us he did (quite recently again on The Journey Home with Marcus Grodi, I believe).

So, I’m cross with Father. And I guess that’s the way grieving goes. We must go through the whole process. Sooner or later I’ll cry. If not for me, then for Mother Angelica, or the other brothers, or, maybe it’ll be for Tom – and everyone like him. The youngsters who admired Fr. Francis. and followed his example. Ooh.

When Tom surfaced on Sunday and wanted to start planning an evening meal, he could tell – even on a still afternoon of the Lord’s Day – something more had gone wrong.Upset his crippled mother in the chair. Oh yes, where was Mass today? He hadn’t heard it. Why had she stopped shouting at him? What happened?

I was cross with Tom for his drinking, but this had to be said. I looked him earnestly in the eyes (they were dark!): “If there was one priest on EWTN who had the most influence on you, who would it be?” (I know he knows most of them and it could easily have been Fr. Benedict or Fr. Corapi, another “character”). He answered, without hesitation: “The basket-ball player”. Ah! You see how big this is? And I hated having to break this news to him.

But, then again, he could – and probably would – use it against, not only the Catholic Church but religion in general - and me. This truly was an horrendous state of affairs. And the Devil must be rolling about in laughter. I was beside myself: “Well, he’s left”, I said. And out it all came.

And, shock! That was it: SHOCK! Tom was utterly shocked. And sad. And I think he felt let down too. I was amazed.

And then the whole night we discussed and debated it. And re-read the letter and perused some of the many comments in blogs and on forums that had come in. A flood of emotion and mixed feelings from right across the globe.

There was a deep sense of sadness everywhere – and, not least, in our own home. It pervaded the night air.

So, what’s left? what is my final comment? Well, there isn’t one. Only prayer is left. I imagine for everybody. That’s all we can do – pray. For Fr. Francis, for the widow and her children, for everyone involved. For his fellow-religious at EWTN and all the staff there. For all the youngsters hurt and feelng betrayed. And for ourselves. That our faith won’t weaken as a result, and that our love, as always, will forgive. May God have mercy.

Amen.

This is no way to behave, people!

Someone I thought I really respected has let me down.

So much so, that I bring it to your attention. Because, sadly, they’re not the first to behave in this way and it should never happen again – not to me or anyone in my position.

The person in question is a fellow-blogger and we’d had reason to cross paths (no need to say more). Well, I’d admired their work, didn’t understand it completely but read it carefully and commented accordingly. There were a couple of emails between us and I was led to believe they had also read my blogs. It made me happy to think there was a mutual respect and I could count this person as a friend (albeit, virtual – they all are now!). But: then came the slap...

Right. Everybody turn right! What’s the first word you see on my ‘Profile’? Under the funny, out-of-focus, ‘phone pic. of my face. Not even in the ‘Complete Profile’. No clicks needed. Right there. I bet many of you have already seen it – Profiles are the first thing I look at when I go to a blog. ‘Housebound’. Got it? The first word.

Well, my “friend” didn’t!

In their second email to me, in response to my praise of their posts, came this penultimate line: “If you’re ever in (place name) be sure to call in at the (something establishment)”. Blah, blah, blah.

You can probably tell, I was hurt. Still am or I wouldn’t be writing this. Tom says (always trying to forgive – which of course is right) that it’s just tactless, inconsiderate. Yeah, but he nearly choked on his drink of water as I told him.

I forgive – but it’s not so easy to forget, and the wound still smarts.

It was a bad thing to say. and people should think (in this case also read!). Otherwise, they hurt other people. And in Christian terms (relevant here), that’s not loving your neighbour.

In which case, I must speak out against it. Heck, I’ll speak out anyway, for everybody’s sake.

This is no way to behave, people!

Remembrance

It was just a coincidence that in Travels with Lucy my last post, written in November, was called ‘Tom is such a hero’. I think. I often refer to Tom as “My hero!” and often he is.

But, then again, it IS November and the whole of the month is dedicated to prayer for the dead in the Roman Catholic Church: All Saints’ Day (Nov.1) for those who with ‘heroic virtue’ have gone straight to Heaven, and All Souls’ Day (Nov.2) for those who, on their way to Heaven, must first be perfected in Purgatory.

I am, of course well aware of this.

Also, that today is Remembrance Sunday in the UK when we remember all those who were/are caught up in wars and, in particular, those ‘heroes’ who gave their lives in both World Wars (l&ll).

I have to admt that as an ardent pacifist, I haven’t always respected this occasion as much as I probably should have done. But I have always known, and related to Tom as he was growing up, stories of individuals in wartime that have touched me. We may not have always marked the two minute silence at 11am but we have, of course, always shown respect. We are grateful for our “freedom”.

I think a lot depends on family (as with everything!) and how close you are to all members, especially of the older generations. Well, there you have it. We, of course, weren’t – for various reasons. It is only as adults in our own lives that we discover the pains of other people’s existence. Become conscious of the society as a whole. And learn to pray.

“Thou shalt not kill.” (Deuteronomy 5:17) And I will obey. It is beyond me that others, calling themselves Christians (so many of the Remembrance Day services will purport to be), do still – even apart from “wars” they “manufacture” – kill. The unborn, the elderly and the infirm.

I know that we must protect ourselves, and others and so I do understand “self-defence”. But for the rest, oh it is hard.

I remember especially all those young men in World War l who, with no choice as to whether they fought or not, had their lives taken from them. I am grateful to the War Poets* for bringing that home to me (as it were). And I pray for them all. It breaks my heart.

And so I remember.

And I imagine my sub-conscious did before the rest of my MS (multiple sclerosis) brain when I wrote that last Travels post. November is the month to remember heroes – all of them.

And may those gone before us,

REST IN PEACE

Amen.


*Poetry of the First Worl War Published by The Macmillan Press Ltd. ISBN:0-333-26121-6

Environmental Illness (EI)

(or: “Get rid of the perfume, please!”)


Things aren’t quite as good here as I make out.

“Oh, what a surprise.” I hear some of you say. “All that false bravado. It’s getting a bit tiresome.”

Well, okay. Practically-speaking, I admit it. Not so good.

Spiritually? Oh yes, and, praise God, there is a joy in suffering (see previous posts).

But, on a "this world" level? Ah!

Tom, bless him, wants to leave (who wouldn’t?). It’s getting him down all this MS and being trapped with Mum at 27.

And I don’t blame him. I’m sure he needs to for his sanity (if only MS had a “sell-by” date, as one physio. called death!) but no. Someone like Tom thinks it will go on forever and that’s scary (see last post).

Anyway, it would be fine (in theory!) if I didn’t have Environmental Illness (EI) and could have carers.

But I can’t (oh, I’ve tried – agony, in every way). I’m allergic to them. As to almost everything (chemical; food; material; animal (except poodles who don’t shed!)), etc..

And, while I can conrol what I eat (see MS – My Scene: Anti-Candida Diet), I can’t – no matter how hard I try – rid people (especially carers!) of perfumes.

And they make me so ill. Completely defeat the object (which is “to help” I believe). In fact, they make everything, including my MS symptoms, a lot worse.

Environmental Illness (EI).

Chicken and egg.

I have Candida Albicans (see MS – My Scene), multiple sclerosis (MS) and multi-chemical sensitivity (MCS).

But who knows which one came first? We can’t know.

Research proves only a guessing game in medical communitiies as more and more people report problems to doctors. Sometimes sufferers are forced to give up work/change their lifestyles/live, like me, as a semi-recluse. The search for answers grows ever more fevered as the disease reaches a wider proportion of the population. And, note, it’s not a contagious dis-ease being passed from one individual to another. No EI spreads as the environment becomes ever-more dense with toxins.

When it comes to perfumes – and my particular intolerance apropos “carers” – we’re talking not only about the pretty, flowery/musky self-adorned smells here (and certainly not essential oils in their pure state which are fine but synthetic/chemical ones which cause the trouble), we’re talking: biological washing powders; softeners; (I feel sick writing this!) hair-sprays; deodorants; air-“fresheners”; soaps; shampoos; poodle groomers (!); sometimes new clothes; second-hand clothes; carpet-cleaners; carpets; glues, etc. etc. etc..

[Disclaimer: here I must stress, I know nothing about science and much of what follows is just a synopsis (possibly incorrect) of what I understand from my own reading and browsings on the Net.]

And we haven’t even mentioned petrol/diesel pollution yet (I think I should have said ‘agoraphobic semi-recluse’!) Ah, all the carbon/nitrogen/hydrogen gasses and oxides that go to make up the particulates that suffocate lungs. And the Benzene that causes cancer, etc. - commonly found in perfumes.

All these allergens (they cause the mass of allergies which, with their own complex symptoms form EI (someone like me is called a “universal reactor” i.e. reacts to everything)) must be avoided if an EI sufferer is to feel well.

Which brings me to the main purpose of this Comment.

I have used my own situation as an example of what EI can do to a person and the state of things in our society. But, what if that person doesn’t have a voice? What if he/she is a child? Children are suffering as a result of our foolishness.

How many are described as having/diagnosed with Attetion Deficit Disorder (ADD)?

How many have asthma? Eczema?

All these are symptoms of EI (see below). And the list goes on.

Are the teachers/pupils’ own bodies and clothes free from pollutants. How was the journey to school? (Did their drivers add to the problem or did they walk and inhale? Either way it was dangerous.)

When there is a toxic overload things will explode.

So, as well as killing the planet with all our pollutants, we are killing even those children we “allow” to be born (i.e. don’t abort (see pevious post).

Is this really the world we want to leave for future generations? One where only the strongest (and probably most self-serving) will survive?

Ah, but yes. And then the healthy/wealthy among them can do it all over again, when they take over another planet.



Suspected causes of EI:
- Candida Albicans (yeast overgrowth in the gut (see MS – My Scene: ‘Candida Albicans and MS’));
- toxic overload (i.e. massive dose of, or prolonged exposure to, pesticides, perfumes and/or other allergens).


Symptoms of EI:
- chronic fatigue;
- ADD (Attention Deficit Disorder);
- aphasia (difficulty remembering words);
- confusion;
- headaches;
- mood-swings;
- aggression;
- depression;
- skin problems (i.e. eczema);
- itching/watering eyes;
- rhinitis,
- breathing difficulties (i.e. asthma);
- joint pain;
- swollen limbs,
- etc.


Site helpful to those with EI - here


Blog Note: this is my environmental piece for Blog Action Day (today). I’m sorry it was a bit hastily put together. VP